Bringing Home Baby

During my last weeks of pregnancy I had quite a bit of anxiety about whether or not we should introduce Quinn to his baby sister at the hospital, or just wait until we got home. Selfishly, I wanted Quinn at the hospital right away because I couldn't fathom that much time away from him. However, I was concerned that it would be difficult for Quinn to get to come and see Pat and me at the hospital and then be taken away. I had a series of emotional conversations with friends, family, and even my midwife about how I'd been feeling, and the common consensus was that it would probably be easier on Quinn for us to wait until we got home. I had several weeks to come to terms with this, but was never able to commit to when we'd introduce the siblings. Instead, we decided to simply play it by ear and see how we felt while at the hospital. Due to my relatively easy labor, I only had to spend one day in the hospital and Quinn was having a great time at home with my brother, Megan, and my parents. This made it easy for me to enjoy my one-on-one time with Kira and Pat on her birth day. However, by the next day I was eager to get home and introduce Quinn to his new baby sister!

Pat and I got ourselves checked out of the hospital around noon and headed home (after a quick stop at the pharmacy). Due to my concern for how Quinn would adapt, I asked my mom to hold Kira when we got home so Pat and I could walk with Quinn together to introduce him to his sister. I was so concerned that he would feel as though he was being replaced. As soon as we walked in the door Quinn greeted us excitedly, gave us big hugs, and treated us as if we'd only been gone a few hours. My mom got Kira out of her car seat, and we introduced Quinn to his new sister together as planned. He knew exactly who she was, saying "Kira!", and he immediately put his hands out and requested to "hold her". Before he had a chance to hold her, Pat presented him with his special gift from Kira, Bullseye, the horse from the Toy Story movies. He loves "horsies" and so he was excited about this new toy (for about 20 seconds). Then, he ran back to Kira and gave her the toy, saying "Here you go". All of my stresses and anxieties seemed to be unnecessary, and I couldn't have been more grateful for this. He held her for quite a while and carefully examined her every detail. He admired her fingers and toes, her eyes, ears, nose, and mouth, and I remember specifically thinking at the time that he was probably examining her more carefully than I did when holding her for the first time. It was a sweeter introduction than I could have ever hoped for.

Meeting Kira

She kept spitting out her binkie, but he was insistent that she needed it.

"Hold her!"

Quick Bullseye distraction/play break.

Getting to hold her for the first time.

Carefully checking her out.

I have to keep it real, though. I'd be lying if I said that it's been this smooth the whole time. Naturally, Quinn struggled with jealousy in the beginning and didn't understand why I could hold Kira and not him. He was jealous of the time that I spent nursing her and would tell me "No milk, Kira no milk!" He hated to hear her cry and would instruct me to "fix it", and as long as fixing it didn't involve having to nurse, he was okay. In fact, he was intrigued by her diaper changes, particularly when they involved poop. Silly boy. He acted out in ways that we had never seen from him before. He showed signs of anger and frustration through yelling and hitting, but thankfully was never aggressive towards Kira. Pat and I have had to carefully determine what our boundaries are with Quinn and are working towards making these boundaries clear and consistent. Moments of love have continued to be present as well. For example, sometimes when Kira would cry he'd rush to her, pat her on the tummy and say, "You're okay, you're okay". He is learning and adapting, and he really does love his sister.

He loves to hold her hand.

Sweet Kira

Holding hands with Mommy and Kira (while watching a cartoon).

As I sit here reflecting on those first couple of weeks I am reminded just how far he's come. One of the things that Quinn does is list off the names of people and things that are important to him. He'll say "Mommy, Daddy, Woody, Buh (Buzz), Papa, Ma..." (and depending on the day he might ramble off an excessively large list of toys "saur, doggie, alien, horsie, etc...). This past week Kira was one of the first words he mentioned, even before Mommy or Daddy. This meant the world to me. There was also a time last week when I was nursing Kira (the time when he wanted nothing to do with her a couple of weeks ago), and he walked up to her, kissed her on the forehead and said, "Yuv you, Kira". Again, I melted. I am so proud of the progress that he's made this past month in accepting his new role as big brother. I look forward to the relationship that will develop between Quinn and Kira as brother and sister and pray that they will become great friends and playmates in the upcoming years.